Heta Lagoon
by Always irritated
Summary: A regular buesinessman probably shouldent be involved with such things...based on Manga
1. List and monolouge

**Warning: Cursing, character death_ (Possibly _), Fem! and Romano's mouth**

**I love Black Lagoon and Hetalia, so a few month ago while watching Black Lagoon with my sister I noticed similarities between a lot of the characters in both Hetalia and Black Lagoon. **

**This is a somewhat short list for now ^_^**

**The Lagoon company:**

**Revy: Romano**

**Rock: Spain**

**Dutch: Germany**

**Benny: Japan (Wonder who's gonna be Jane~~ )**

**Hotel Moscow:**

**Balalaika: Fem! Russia**

**Boris : Male! Belarus**

**Chinese Hong kong Triad:**

**: Thailand**

**Shenhua: Taiwan **

**Leigharch:**

**Colombian Cartel:**

**Abrego:**

**Gustavo:**

**Chruch of Violence/ The rip off church:**

**Eda: (Possibly Belgium )**

**Yolanda:**

**Rico: (Possibly Luxembourg)**

**Lovelace:**

**Diego Jose**

**Garcia: Sealand or child! Finland**

**Roberta: Sweden**

**Other:**

**Hansel and Gretel: **

**Greenback Jane: To be revealed~**

**Washimimine:**

**Yukio:**

**Ginji: **

_Graduating from a national university, I'd manage to get myself a job in the businessmen industry~!_

_This is a businessmen town after all~_

_Everything's okay..._

_I , however get my butt kicked by my boss all day..._

_It's a beautiful place there, but now..._

_It all seems so...far away..._

_Right now though, in front of me, all I see is the ship._

_The beautiful ocean...Oh a se-AGH!_


	2. Black Lagoon

**Warning: Cursing, character death_ (Possibly _), Fem! Characters and Romano's mouth**

**I love Black Lagoon and Hetalia, so a few month ago while watching Black Lagoon with my sister I noticed similarities between a lot of the characters in both Hetalia and Black Lagoon. **

The Spaniard fell on his back as a large man drew back his fist then cocked a gun.

"Okay, Mr Businessman. I vill ask you one more time, The Package you received from the Asahi quarters from Tokio" The Businessman sat up, blood dripped from his nose and tears in his eyes. " the one you're in charge of "He showed the disk " Is this, Ja?"

"Si ~" He mumbled, holding his nose.

Two guns where then pointed towards him.

One by a German man, and the other held by an _(cute )_Italian.

"But that's all I know~ so leave the nice Spanish man alone? Si~? " Blood pooled out of his nose.

"Potato bastard " The Italian was pretty cute...that was until he opened his mouth... " This guys bein' a real pain in the ass " The man's eyes narrowed and put his finger on the trigger " Let's just shoot his balls off, that'll make him talk "

The German sighed and stared at the brow-haired man with a very cute curl "No need, Romano. That was all we needed" 'Romano ' pouted at the 'potato bastards ' words.

"Ludwig-san...Excuse me Ludwig-san"

"Vas? "

"Still working things out, but it appears there is something headed straight for us from the south " A young Japanese man turned towards them from his work on a set of computers.

"It's a Philippine Navy Patrol Boat..."

"I see...please wait a second. " He turned towards the small group of workers who where all in the fetal position with hands over their heads. "Start the engine, please "

He raised his hand and shot.

" You are all free to go, we will now leave" "Let this be a warning We WILL turn to into scrap iron and fresh hamburger meat vith this torpedo if anyone attempts to trail us " The German said with a clean cut voice that boomed with authority.

"So let's be adult about this, yeah?"

The Spanish sniffed and then sighed as the blood continued to gush.

Everything seemed calm, until a gun was shoved roughly into his neck.

Almost as if he was Italian, he threw his hands up.

"Don't take it easy yet, bastard. You're commin' with us "

The Spanish man looked towards the Italian with a grimace " Y-you're joking, Si?"

"Less talking, more walking...bastard "

"YOU GOTTA BE JOKING!" The Spanish man screamed .

"This is Black Lagoon, can you read me, Ivana? "

"What's your status? "

"Raid has been completed. It's in my possession "

"I love the way you handle things, Ludwig~ " Ludwig could almost feel the small on the other line " Continue on as planned~"

"Roger "

_Tokyo Japan, Shinjuku District_

"This is the worst situation we have ever faced since the founding of Asahi heavy industries. Head of the supplied divisions. Mr. Kageyami..."

/

" What...in the World is gonna' happen to to me? Will the company save me?" He wondered, his face scrunched up in worry.

"Romano...why did you kidnap that guy?" The German asked the Italian.

"HEY!"

"You don't get it, do ya' potato bastard?" The Italian glared at the German " That Russian...jerk 's trying to take advantage of us!"

"Bad idea, Romano-kun "

"SHADDUP JAP!"

"Think 'bout it. A dangerous operation like this, worth 30,000 but she's givin' us only 10,000 less!" The Italian started making weird hand movements "So what about a _little _ransom?"

The Japanese man mumbled something.

"Shut up! Ya' know I can't understand Japanese worth shit!"

"Who would negotiate with you, Romano?" The German stared at the Italian with calculating eyes. "Asking for such a ridiculous price "

"Fine! " The Italian kicked over a box " Let's kill 'em them! " The Italian ripped his gun out of the holder and began shooting at the poor Spanish man _(And missing )_ " Let's dump his damn body in the ocean!"

"STOP! STOP STOP STOP!"

"You're gonna destroy the ship!"

"ZITTO!"

**First chapter: Complete! Whohoo!**

**I'm aware I skipped a few things from the manga _(The meeting between the company mostly)_**

**The Lagoon company:**

**Revy: Romano**

**Rock: Spain**

**Dutch: Germany**

**Benny: Japan (Wonder who's gonna be Jane~~ )**

**Hotel Moscow:**

**Balalaika: Fem! Russia**

**Boris : Male! Belarus**

**Chinese Hong kong Triad:**

**: Thailand**

**Shenhua: Taiwan **

**Leigharch:**

**Colombian Cartel:**

**Abrego:**

**Gustavo:**

**Church of Violence/ The rip off church:**

**Eda: (Possibly Belgium )**

**Yolanda:**

**Rico: (Possibly Luxembourg)**

**Lovelace:**

**Diego Jose**

**Garcia: Sealand or child! Finland**

**Roberta: Sweden**

**Other:**

**Hansel and Gretel: **

**Greenback Jane: To be revealed~**

**Washimimine:**

**Yukio:**

**Ginji: **

**It's extremely hard to tell who would fit Ita-chan's character, so I don't know if he'll be in here :/**

**Anyway~ I hope you liked this! This was a lot of fun writing and reading the Manage and watching the anime!**

_**(Tell me if I made any errors anywhere, I read it over about four or five times ^_^ ' but I usually miss things...)**_

**Bye~**


	3. Black Lagoon continued

**Warning: Cursing, character death (Possibly ), Fem! and Romano's mouth**

**Whoohoo~ Writing again :3... A day after *Face-plants ***

_**Last time on: Heta Lagoon!**_

_**Our Spanish hero got shot at by a homicidal Italian with guns...huh...weird right?**_

_**Well~ Continue!**_

The poor Spaniard was practically feeling up the wall as tears dribbled down his face.

The German had some how managed to get the_ (Homicidal ) _Italian to stop shooting by grabbing his wrist holding it up and using his other arm to 'stand' in front of the boys neck.

"Done now, Romano?" The German calmly asked, despite the Italian attempting to kill the Spanish man.

"Si si now let me go ya' god damn potato eater " The Italian said with a look of pure disgust.

"Ja" The German then proceeded to let the brunette man go from the weird hold.

"God I hate being touche by a potato bastard like _you _" He mumbled, voice laced with complete hate and disgust for this Blonde."God dammit, I'm fuckin' tired! " The Italian roughly stuck his gun back into the gun-holder under his arm and next to his chest. "I'm gonna take a nice long siesta before we get to port" He ended his sentence with a barely held back yawn.

He then went out a door.

The poor Spanish man was shaking, crying almost quite literally a river.

"Hn, " The German stared blankly at him before turning to the cry man " Are...you?" He almost tilted his head.

"I-i'm alive...I dunno how! But I'm alive..."

"That is...good? "The German almost gave a comical look "Would you like something to smoke?"

/

"I have only American Spirit " The German offered him a smoke. The Spaniard happily took it.

Who took a long drag and started to cough.

"I-i've always hated cigarettes..."He mumbled, but kept using the disgusting nicotine cancer stick."So um...what's going to happen to this poor Spanish man?" He asked anxiously.

"We'll contact your company, and they'll come pick you up" The German replied and then took a drag "Only after we delivered the disk to our client though"

"cliente?" He mumbled "The disk, you're not keeping it?" He tilted his head.

"We're just couriers, in our hands the disk is useless " The German took a drag "It is only used properly in the right hands " He took another drag " In our hands it's worth nothing" Drag " In their hands, it's worth a ton of money"

"So...you don't know about the mafia stuff on it?"

"I don't care for such things, " He stood up " Snoops don't live long in this Geschäft " He mumbled and turned.

"We'll be docking at a Thai port " He stuck his hands in his pockets " Well deliver the goods at the local bar " He started walking "You're on your own then"

The Spanish man sighed and lent back, his arms spread around him "just can't catch a break..." He mumbled, the ash of his cigarette about to fall.

"My sympathies. You may pray if you want " He closed the lid of the hatch...? he didn't know the name of it.

"Dios?" He stared at the sky, his eyes dull " ...Dios? " He mumbled " por favor ayudme..." He closed his eyes.

/_ (Extra time skip )_

"A-antonioooooo Her- Fernandez Carriedo ...What a weird name"

"I know..." The curly haired brunette put his head on the bar table " Just leave me alone..."

"Sorry sorry, I'm just naturally talkative "

"It's fine but..." The Spaniard almost face-palmed " This bar is awful..." He mumbled, the smell and putrid taste of a fight in the air. The tension sharp and suffocating. "It's...on the border of civilization! "

CRACK went a man's face as it was hit with a bony fist.

"He!" The German looked slightly amused " This bar had been opened by the south Vietnamese Army originally " The German cleared his throat, possibly for a long explanation? "This bar hid AWOL soldiers here, this place is big for Drifters Hookers, Junkies, Dealers, Mercenaries and hit-men go to be around " The German took a swig of 'real German beer ' "'Tonio...can you really _hate _this place?"

"I'd rather have a Spanish bar over any other, " He tilted his glass several times, watching the amber, syrup liquid " I'm not cut out for rough..."

"You sure don't look it, 'Tonio " The German set down his glass.

"Kiku " The Japanese man looked towards the German "I'm going to use the phone, I'll be back " He stood up and started to leave."

"Erm...Ludwig? What...did you call me?" Antonio looked towards him with large, comical eyes.

"I called you 'Tonio, because your name's Antonio " He continued off, not even looking behind him.

" 'Tonio?" Antonio, now dubbed 'Tonio, almost tilted his head.

"Please, just ignore him, Antonio-San "The Japanese man took a small sip of his Sake "He, likes to give people names " Kiku almost tilted his head "He is...strange. I have worked with Ludwig-San for about two years now. " He gave a small, somewhat fond smile " I have found him to be, quite smart, tough and...generally weird" He took another small sip. "He is impossible to figure out "

The Japanese and Spanish toasted there different alcoholic drinks.

"Gracias~ There's something very weird about you,where did you come from? " The Spanish man tilted his head.

"A college in Florida " He almost cringed "I made the FBI...very angry...as well as the Mafia..."

"What happened then?" The nosy Spaniard asked.

"They were gonna stuff him in a trunk and use him as an anchor " The Italian reloaded his gun and set it down " I saved his ass " The Italian smirked while the Japanese looked down blushing brightly.

"P-please be quiet, Lovino-kun!" The Japanese crossed his arms across the bar and hid his face.

"That's enough sharin', Kiku. " The Italian sat back against the chair and started pouring a glass of alcohol "One for each and everyone of us~ How about it, 'Tonio? Drink ~ Drink~ " The Italian took a gulp of something that was not obviously Wine.

The Spaniard stared at the Italian with a blank look.

"I came here to drink, and I'll damn well drink!" He grinned "Let's talk 'bout somethin' else! So you're Spanish?" He took another drink.

The Italian then sent a glass of rum down the bar, the small glass hit the bottle of the cheap glass of shitty beer.

"Beer's just like piss! Never gonna get cha' drunk no matter how much you drink " The Italian held up his own cup of Rum grinning, like the two where best buddies. " A more manly drink is rum, that is, unless ya' wanna be beaten by an Italian~" The boy grinned almost sadistically "I say we get you in a big pink, or rather a Tango dress? ,and go out for a nice night of dancing " The Italian lent forward as the Spanish man pulled at his collar, loosening his tie " Or would you rather have long pink ribbons in your hair? Man ya' must have lost your balls or something..." He cackled.

The Spaniard stood up violently and chugged his small glass of Rum, while Kiku and The Italian stared at him in complete shock.

The Brunette slammed his now empty glass down and grinned at the Italian, a deep blush on his tan face.

The Italian looked back with an annoyed look on his face.

"I though you did not like rough, Antonio-San " He mumbled as he took another quick drink of Sake.

"Mr Bartender~" Antonio's eye twitched.

"BRING US ALL OF THE BARCADI YOU HAVE!" The two yelled at the sweating Bartender.

" It is pretty loud, but you can hear me? Ludwig~Allo? Allo~?"

"I can hear you, Mrs, Ivana" The German answered, staring at the drinking contest.

/

A woman with long blonde hair and violet eyes sat at a large desk while on the floor laid a broken, bleeding man. Three men surrounded him and a fourth stood next to her.

"I would like for you to make the delivery at the Palawan instead~ "

"Vas?"

"A delay from the Asahi industries, so we'd set up a little trap~ " He a small sip and an ' Ah~ ' of satisfaction "This Chinese merchant took the bait! We're in the middle of 'listening ' to his story~!" The Russian almost giggled at her explanation.

"Hang on just a minute~ " She lowered the phone from her mouth "Who's he working for~?"

"Answer! Say the name of your Boss really loud!" A foot stomped on the broken man's hand.

"P-please stop!" He took a quick grasp of air in his lungs "T-t-t-t-t-the Sun Yee on! My Elder brother of the Sun Yee On!" Tears dribbled down his broken tear-stained face. " He gave me the information so he could take you down!" He whimpered as the foot increased on his hand "T-that's why the Japanese man is sending those hit-men to Thailand!"He cried.

"Quiet " A voice commanded.

"Have mercy!" The man shrieked "OW OW OW! AAAAGH!"

The Russian put the phone back to her ear "You heard that?"

"...this is...bad"The German whispered.

"How many troops and who they work for in a_ loud _voice~" The woman stared at the man " I'm short on time, so please do hurry up~" She almost smiled maliciously.

"T-they're from a company called 'Extra order'! It sends out Mercenaries!" The yelled out "I don't know how many "

"It's going to be hell for that guy..." The German mumbled.

"My thoughts exactly " She turned towards one of the men "Убейте его, если он не отвечает на вопрос"

"Да капитан " The man said and took out his small gun.

The Russian stuck her finger in her ear.

Over the phone, the German could hear the gun shots.

"Looks like the morons will do anything they can to get us to buckle under" The Russian sighed " E.O Recruits Veteran fighters Dutch."

"We best be careful"

/

"Yeah...we will be careful..."

"Everybody in their place?" A man with a lighter, that had on it 1981-1992 and 'I know I'm going to Heaven ', smiled maliciously.

"Let's do this~"He grinned, clicking his lighter closed.

"How are y'all fuckers?" He pulled out big guns and pointed " I've got a present for ya'~"Everyone turned towards this foul looking man.

He cackled " Here's yer' present~" He threw a handful of Grenades towards the patrons of the bar.

The whole bar was then blown up.

"It's a party motherfucker!" The men around him began shooting " Try an' run and I'll tear ya' a know asshole!" A table was knocked over "When I'm through with this bar, this place'll be FULL of corpses~!"

As a round of shots were fired, a certain Italian was still drinking behind the bar.

The bartender appeared next to the Italian "DAMNIT ROMANO! They're your friends! Do somethin' 'bout it!"

Romano Shrugged, taking a sip "Dunno''em "

"verdammt! " The German hid behind a corner, his gun raised. "They're coming in fast, Romano!

"Y-you okay?"

"Fine" He took a sip of rum.

"Kiku "

"I-i am fine as well..i do not know how, but I am fine " The Japanese man stayed under the table.

"'Toni?"

"_I hate this, I can't take this anymore...This is too much, going out of my way to a go to a National school and get a good job "_

"Ayúdame"!"

"Geez" That Italian set his glass of rum down and took out his gun, "Stop screaming you dumbass " The Italian turned towards him " You gotta' live your life, learn how, dipshit " He put a clip in and then cocked it. "You'll lose it if you don't~"

"Romano " The German shot " Some them why you're called 'two hands'!"

"Hell yeah~" The Italian grinned and jumped into the fray.

/ _(Skipping the fight scene 'cause I can't write things like that )_

"Ciao" He jumped back behind the bar, reloading his gun.

"Get the fuck outta' here Romano!" The pissed off bartender turned to the reloading Italian " You know how many times this bar had been destroyed!"

"Erm..."He started counting on his fingers. "About three?"

"You're gonna pay for the damaged! Ya' here?"

"Yeah yeah, talk to tha' German bastard 'bout that shit "He grumbled.

Just as a man was about to jump over the bar, the bartender shot him with his shotgun.

"Just get me the damn money!" The Italian grinned "Or you ain't aloud in here anymore!" The annoyed bartender looked towards the Italian "If you come here, I'll weld y'alls assholes and make a new one on your dumbass head!"

"Yeah yeah whatever old man" He brought up his guns.

**Oh! and I drew something for this :3 ht tp: /ookamiwolfy. /#/d4kpppm I do say, I'm quite proud of it ^_^**

**Reviews- Anonymous:**

**Cats2find: Aren't we all? XD I know right~ I've seen quite a few parody's, but Black Lagoon and Hetalia is something I have yet to see 83**

**Classified what: Ah, I'll try ^_^ Looking over the Manga and just seeing picture and dialogue is slightly difficult for me to explain in detail ;A; ...**

**Hm...Mattie and Al...I don't really think that would work (Mostly 'cause they're not homicidal and they're not...well...I'll just say they don't really fit V_V wish I could say more though...Sorry...)**

**This is still a somewhat short list for now ^_^**

**The Lagoon company:**

**Revy: Romano**

**Rock: Spain**

**Dutch: Germany**

**Benny: Japan (Wonder who's gonna be Jane~~ )**

**Hotel Moscow:**

**Balalaika: Fem! Russia**

**Boris : Male! Belarus**

**Chinese Hong kong Triad:**

**: Thailand**

**Shenhua: Taiwan **

**Leigharch:**

**Colombian Cartel:**

**Abrego:**

**Gustavo:**

**Church of Violence/ The rip off church:**

**Eda: (Possibly Belgium )**

**Yolanda:**

**Rico: (Possibly Luxembourg)**

**Lovelace:**

**Diego Jose**

**Garcia: Sealand or child! Finland**

**Roberta: Sweden**

**Other:**

**Hansel and Gretel: **

**Greenback Jane: To be revealed~**

**Washimimine:**

**Yukio:**

**Ginji: **

***Sighs* I'm back in school V_V I might not have a lot of time to write anymore ;A;**

**'m gonna miss y'all!**


	4. Black Lagoon continued more

**Warning: Cursing, character death (Possibly ), Fem! and Romano's mouth**

**Whoohoo~ Writing again :3**

_**Last time on: Heta Lagoon!**_

_**Romano flips his shit and there's an Epic bar fight! FUCK YEAH! D**_

_**Well~ Continue!**_

The insane-as-shit Italian grinned happily as he shot people through the head and chest.

Antonio stared with a complete lost face "H...he's smiling..." A sudden man sprung up and tried to shoot the Spaniard, luckily the table managed to magically flip over.

Covering the man.

"' Tonio!" Blood spluttered from the man as he fell to the ground.

" I am sorry, the plan went wrong..." He sighed as he slumped under the table " Now the delivery's botched..."

The Spaniard looked towards him with wide eyes "What about this Spaniard! What's going to happen to me! "

The German looked towards him " You were not originally in this plan...We should split up here..."

Tears welded up in the Spaniards eyes "I-if you leave me here they'll kill me! Take me with youuu!" He whimpered and almost started to ball.

The German awkwardly got out from under the table. "Just don't get in the way, and you can come with us" He gave an almost sadistic grin "Romano!"

The shooting Italian stopped briefly and pouted "Fuck you dumbass!" He yelled at the German as he shot a path for the two. "RUN DIPSSHITS ELSE YOUR ASS GETS BLOWN OFF!"

They all ran out of the bloodied bar "Kiku, the car!" The Japanese man quickly started up the car as the Italian, German and Spaniard quickly, and almost literally, scrambled into the car.

"We're getting out of here!" The quiet Japanese man said, stomping on the gas.

"Hey! What are you doing?" He asked the Italian man as he pulled half of his body out of the ca, shifting as if he was sitting on the door of the car.

""Just giving them some " He pulled the Grenade out of the pin" ...er..." He threw the pin and then the Grenade "Some Easter eggs" The flushed Italian quickly slipped back into the car just as the Grenades decided to detonate.

"Potato bastard, MR. Bartender said if I don't pay him back he'd weld my asshole shut " The Italian didn't look scared.

The German grimaced. " Terrifying...Maybe I can talk to Ivana into paying him, Yeah?"

"Whatever asshole"

/

"Captain..." A young man walked up to his 'Captain' "Sixteen of our men are dead, and eight are badly wounded" A sombre look crossed his face.

"I seem to have underestimated the Enemy...Thinking they were just thugs...It really backfired, I'm so sorry "

"Those guys...were not just **any** thugs...they're _true, cold blooded killers._"...

***Sighs* You guess can kill me if you want ;A;**

**I'm _SO_ Sorry this is out so late D:**

**But school decides to constantly fuck up my life epically with Benchmarks, Work, book reports, and projects...**

**Anyway...Sorry ;A;**

**-Ray**


	5. Sorry

**Hello, It's me Hetalia-und-guns _(Or Ray...) _I just wanted to inform you...that I'm discontinuing "Heta Lagoon "**

**Reasons: Mostly because trying to use the Manga is difficult...and watching the Anime is as well...Plus with school, dating, and other things. It's getting extremely hectic...And it doesn't help when my mother is suffering through a really bad Migraine _(We almost had to take her to the Hospital...) _**

**Again, I'm very sorry for doing this to everyone who was so interested in this story...I was too...Until everything started happening, and before I knew it, I'd been about a month before I'd updated this...**

**I have seen people "adopt" others stories...so I guess I could do it for this story...so whoever wants to continue it...**

**I admit, I had had everything planed out at first, but now I don't...**

**Anyway, again I'm very sorry...**

**I'm gonna continue writing, but just not for this story...**

**Love you guys and take care...**

**-Ray**


End file.
